Love you for you because the ones who care to judge don’t matter- Melissa

Screenshot_2015-10-05-18-48-27When I was first born, delivered with the placenta over my entire head. My mom tells me how she seen me as soon as I came out. The nurses were very panicked and one quickly grabbed a scaple and punctured the bag and proceeded to cut it off. My mom heard me scream out crying, thinking in relief, that I may have been smothering in my first moments.

The nurses and the doctor looked at each other puzzled and uneasy, while wiping me off. My mom asked what was wrong, was everything okay? They wiped the looks off their faces and confidently said yes, she’s perfectly healthy…..except, she has a birth defect with her right eye. My mom started crying and asking why I had clear liquid and blood coming from my right eye. They said it was just where my eye wasn’t developed and it had flooded in the womb, but, why the blood? There was nothing that could have been proven because this all happened within seconds and to make matters worse, the nurses had their backs turned while the removal of the bag, along with the belief of accidental removal of my eye, as well.

Today, at age 24, nothing has ever held me back, because I don’t know any other way. I’ve been a cheerleader, basketball player, and played a little bit of ladies softball. I got my permit as a young teen, then a year later, my license. I have always been self conscious of my eye, even with the scleral shell to make an attempt to match, I wear my bangs over my right eye.

I’ve became more open about it with age, you’d never see me sharing my story on the internet when I was a teen, in school. In elementary school I can’t recall being bullied. Everyone was young and didn’t really pay attention to much other than lunch or recess, im assuming lol. On the other hand, middle school was hell for me. I attended lake city elementary for 5th grade, because my mom remarried and we moved in with my step dad. I made one true, lifelong friend while there, named Tonya Nelson, whom I don’t get to talk to much now days because she has a beautiful rambunctious little boy. but I’ll get to all that later.

Back to the school issues, long story short, I transferred back and finished out elementary school in Clinton, where I was used to and comfortable. When the time came for middle sschool to roll around… I was SO nervous. With my ,already, high anxiety. I had already, a picture of what everything was going to be like, terrified I’d be called out in front of a ton of people asking “what’s wrong with your eye?” I have never liked large crowds, nor at the time being questioned about my eye. So my first day at lake city middle school, I got all my paperwork, went to all my classes, blah blah. Although, i did notice kids double taking at me, which at that time i didnt wear my hair over my eye, so it was natural.

My first day actually went okay, which came as a surprise. But as the school year went on, kids got comfortable and settled in with each other and had their groups, like the preps & jocks, which are practically flawless and perfect. Then there were the other groups of semi-prep wannabes and the nerds and even the early age stoners. I didn’t really classify myself into no group, I am and always have been a genuinely nice person and tried to socialize with everyone. I surprisingly had friends from all of the groups, even the preps, which made me feel somewhat better. but in every class and group, there’s a bully who feels the need to call you out and make fun of any imperfections that they could possibly pick out…but what a lot of kids or even adults don’t realize is a bully only bullies because they aren’t comfortable with themselves. They either have a bad life, have head issues, or even be jealous of you or others to the point that they’re miserable and they get a thrill or satisfaction from making others feel embarrassed and belittled to the point, that they want to run away, crawl in a hole and hide just to cry until you can’t cry anymore.

But there were 4 certain bullies who changed me. Adrienne, a boy. coty, a boy. Mikey, a boy and Andrew, a boy. I’m no going to say the last names but if they never happen to run across this, they’ll know who they are. They bullied me until high school. This went on for what felt like forever. I, shamingly and regrettably, allowed them to get to me, to the point that I dropped out in the 2nd semester of 11th grade.

If I could go back to that time, that exact time and place in that class when and where we just got assigned new classes and had to play an ice breaker game to introduce ourselves, because we had people from other schools come to the vocational school that was located at anderson co. High school, and the new kids were from Clinton to be exact, so i knew some of them, from elementary.. The assignment, we were paired up with random people some groups of three some four and some five…well, my luck, I got with a group of 5, including myself. And guess who with? Yeah, every one of the disgusting bullies that I tried to avoid and ignore all throughout school. Well, needless to say, there was this assignment we all had to participate in, and after finished, stand up and read aloud. The whole time we were filling this out I refused to participate.

Already having planned what I’d say, which was “I know them from school and there’s really nothing else to say about them in my opinion.” They kept saying quietly the whole time, let’s say she has a fake eye, haha, let’s do it! I sat back and let them talk, but something I’ve always had the gift of, is being able to see right through people…for the most part.. So I hopingly knew they wouldn’t because they were just a few boys, who were just ugly inside and out, and were all talk and afraid to get in trouble by the teacher. Our turn came up, I said what I had to say before they could open their mouths and then they just looked at me as I sat down and they proceeded to tell how they knew each other, and then, how they knew me…which was, ” I know Melissa from middle school, she’s quiet but nice and has really blonde hair….with doubts that my suspicions wouldn’t be right and just waiting on one of them to be gutsy and blurt it out, they didn’t! But I didn’t care, I already despised them and had for a while. They sat down and started laughing because they knew they had succeeded in making me feel uncomfortable and right then and there, already built up with so much stress, anxiety, anger, just every mixed emotion possible.

I realized I was done with school, I was done being bullied by these freaks, I was done with getting up every morning, taking hours to put on my makeup just to try to impress everyone, just to try to prove myself to be normal when all along I was normal. I was imperfectly perfect and I had a fake eye for a reason. Whether it be from the extremely unqualified nurse who doesn’t need to be handling so much as even a bobby pin, much less a sharp surgical tool, who robbed me of a normal life and acted like everything was just meant to be and what kills me is she got away with it, she wasn’t woman enough to admit she made a mistake, a very costly one, mentally and physically. Or whether it be, GOD has special plans for me one day, or even just to make others with a similar situation to not feel so alone, who knows?

The only thing I know is I’m here, I’m healthy, I have a beautiful baby boy named Camden David James, a great fiance who is a great dad, I have my own demons, nobody is perfect inside or out. We all battle demons, we all have our weaknesses and if someone says otherwise then okay, but I just don’t believe that.

If I could go back I would stand up and say, “what these childish little assholes are trying to say is YES, I HAVE A FAKE EYE, IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT OR THINK ITS GROSS, OR WANT TO LAUGH OR MAKE FUN, GO RIGHT AHEAD BECAUSE I HAVE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I LOVE AND THAT LOVE ME, RIGHT WHERE I NEED THEM AND THATS ON MY SIDE, HERE TO SUPPORT ME AND LOVE ME JUST LIKE THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT ALL BULLIES NEED IN THEIR LIFE.

I know this has been a long story, very unorganized but its a lot to sum up while trying to shorten it all in a box from birth to present. But on a side note, and some things I forgot to mention while telling all the madness, goes back to Tonya Nelson, the one of few true friends that always took up for me, she was a spitfire lol and always told them how it was, and another friend named Ashley Goins, was always there for me, both of these girls I feel like I haven’t got to show how much I appreciate how they cared enough for me to take up for me and even fight over me if need be. But it never came to that.

If I had to give someone advice facing any issues with an artificial eye and being bullied would be to completely ignore what people say if its negative. Let it slide off you like butter and never show weakness. Ask them, why do u feel the need to belittle me? Do you see yourself as perfect? If they proceed with rudeness, keep right with them, i mean don’t go around fighting people, it may work but its defeating the purpose of being above bullying. Just say back well, in my opinion, with all do respect, I don’t see you as perfect considering you’re making fun of something that i cant help, but yet, you can help the fact that you’re a complete asshole and obviously have plenty of your own issues, some may say that’s still getting on their level, but its no . Its in defense, but just tell them to deal with yours and I’ll deal with mine…okay? Okay! Have yourself a great day! Kill em with kindness in front of the same people they’re trying to embarrass you in front of and make them feel as small as they TRIED to make you feel.

On another side note, my father passed away when I was 16 and I still made it through everything, don’t let ANYONE make you feel like you’re good enough because you are, you are here for a reason and whatever challenges you are facing, you’re facing them to build up nerves of steel, to get more open about it, to develop a sense of humor, to have fun with it because you can’t just lay around feeling sorry for yourself.

Aside from all the negativity, there’s an opposite side to negativity…its love, its light, its freedom, its having the ability to be open with others to spread awarness, we are different, a wonderful type of different. Who else could take their eye out anytime they want? Lol. If they want to be rude and nasty you can be too, just take it out and throw it at them (= I mean if you want..because you have that ability! Just don’t make the mistakes I did and let others who can’t hold a candle to you, ruin your dignity or your life.

Love you for you because the ones who care to judge don’t matter, and the ones who don’t care and overlook your situation and still take you as a friend and loved one, are the ones who DO MATTER! As for the dreaded dropout dangling over my head I quickly proceeded to get my diploma through an online school and I got my credits transferred, I went from a distracted, broken person who couldn’t concentrate due to all the drama, to graduating with a 3.85 GPA and I can do what I want, when I want, because I’m every bit of worth it and if you don’t like it, then sorry, but I’m not sorry, get over it and you do you!

Im going to include a picrure of myself without hiding behind the bangs. I still prefer to style it with the bangs due to lack of movement. If you made it through this novel, props to you lol & goodluck to everyone seeking help or guidance, you’re not alone. I think this is a great site so thanks to the makers. We need more people like you guys in this world!

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